If you have a situation where you’re constantly expected to be at someone’s beck and call and you’re not happy about it, then you have to do something about it before you become a ship wreck too. This is the flip side of asserting yourself upon your parents: your parents are needy and they want you to take control. But only to a certain point.
I don’t know if this is still true, but one of the reasons why people used to have children, was because it was some sort of retirement plan. It was expected that adult children would take care of them in their old age. And they didn’t even have to say thank you!
I don’t think you think that way. I hope not anyways! I certainly don’t.
Misery loves company. Maybe your mom or dad or both are telling you how bad life is – they’re lonely. They’re hurting. They’re poor. They’re going to be destitute. Poor me. I wish I could win the lottery. And they want you to identify with their plight. They want you to feel sorry for them.
There’s nothing like full blown victim hood. And it’s going to be very hard on you.
I’ve observed some interesting things. When people do this, they want the entire world to change, but they don’t want to do any of the changing.
They just want you to solve their problems. But they don’t want any part of doing the work themselves. Perhaps they feel entitled. These people often use guilt to get their adult children to do things for them.
Remember my mother? She once told me decades ago, that she would see which of her three children (we were young adults at the time) would deserve to inherit her money after she dies.
I didn’t hesitate. I told her in NO uncertain terms that I did not want her money and it was too bad, if she didn’t want to hear the truth when I needed to tell her so. I have no idea if she ended up disinheriting me in her will.
Emotional blackmail doesn’t work with me. I don’t use it either.
When you’re faced with a parent trying to guilt you into doing stuff for her, it’s because you’ve got a boundary issue. In order to be a strong person, you need to know what your boundaries are and you need to communicate those boundaries to those around you.
Deal with neediness this way:
a) Be brave.
b) Hold your ground.
c) Communicate what you can and cannot do.
d) Tell them how much time you can realistically give to them.
e) Help them to solve a problem, but DON’T do it for them.
f) DO NOT make promises you can’t keep.
If you don’t do these things, you’re going to feel all used up and stressed out. Soon you’re going to require help for yourself.
Honesty really is the best policy!
Dr. Joanny Liu, TCMD, RAc, P.Eng. Dr Joanny Liu “Best Selling Author and founder of Extraordinary Sports Medicine, where we help athletes reverse injury, get back in the game they love and improve their quality of life.” Best selling book at: Heal Your Concussion: How to Quickly and Effectively Get Back in the Game Remember, we’ve got two books about healing concussions in Amazon: Knock OUT Concussions, Heal Your Concussion: 21 Days to Brain Health, and Dr. Joanny’s new book, Heal Your Concussion: How to Quickly and Effectively Get Back in the Game is NOW live on Amazon!
