If you have a situation where you’re trying to help people and it’s frustrating for you, then you know you’ve got to do things differently.I hear and read too often about situations where families are trying to help out elderly parents. But they’re astounded when they’re rewarded with a lot of resistance and even hostility.
Why is this happening?
I want you to think about something. You’re an adult, right? You’re not a child. Your parents are also adults, right? They’ve been adults for a much longer time than you, right?
You may be thinking, well, Dr. Joanny, of course that’s true. I can’t dispute that. Okay, there is a point to this.
If your parents are adults and they’re having what you perceive to be problems in their old age, then is it necessarily a good thing for you to swoop down on them like a saviour and insist on certain changes to their lives, because you’re worried about them? I know this is a tough question.
My parents are just going into their eighties and they’re relatively healthy. My mother likes to ask me health questions from time to time and that’s when I offer her information or advice or actual therapeutic help or all three. But it bugs me when she asks and takes up a significant amount of time but she doesn’t take it and use it. She would even go and do the opposite of what I told her. So I started to charge her for my time. No more free advice. I told her why I was charging her and now we have an understanding between us.
My mom’s smart enough though to realize that I’m there for her when she needs me. I don’t offer her advice unless she asks. I expect my parents to be independent adults, as much as I expect my own children to be independent adults.
That’s the problem that I see with many relationships between elderly parents and their grown children. Well-meaning children forget that their parents are adults and are used to making their own decisions. They really don’t want you to interfere with their lives – up to a certain point. Grown children hardly ask what their parents want. Or they don’t wait around long enough to hear it. Or they won’t accept what they hear.
Let’s talk more about this next time…
Dr. Joanny Liu, TCMD, RAc, P.Eng. Dr Joanny Liu “Best Selling Author and founder of Extraordinary Sports Medicine, where we help athletes reverse injury, get back in the game they love and improve their quality of life.” Best selling book at: Heal Your Concussion: How to Quickly and Effectively Get Back in the Game Remember, we’ve got two books about healing concussions in Amazon: Knock OUT Concussions, Heal Your Concussion: 21 Days to Brain Health, and Dr. Joanny’s new book, Heal Your Concussion: How to Quickly and Effectively Get Back in the Game is NOW live on Amazon!
